Another year. Another loss. - Only one, if we are fortunate.  

Each Yom Kippur, we dedicate much prayer, thoughts, and feelings to the memory of those who have left this earth.

During Yitzkor services, I have seen great pain expressed through rivers of tears, clenched hands, quiet sobbing and eyes staring deeply into space. Then, there are those among you who have decided to 'be strong'. And to not show their grief... lest they appear 'weak'  or they open a floodgate which they fear they cannot close.

For those of us at home today, praying outside of a communal structure, the images of loved ones who have passed can be overwhelming.

Why, then, do any of us partake in this communal or solitary sorrow?
Why, at this time when we so fervently pray to God for inscription in the Book of Life, for a good and healthy year, would we change our focus, so dramatically?

We do so because it is a new year.
In part, we are asking God to keep us separated from our loved ones who have passed on to His keeping. We want desperately to cling to the branches of the 'Tree of Life'. But we also want to remember the fallen leaves which were once our loved ones.
As children of God, we are, in part, truly children. We desire 'the best of both worlds'.

We memorialize our departed, loved ones, now, beacuse it is a new year.
Because we are entering a new year feeling vulnerable. We do not know whether or not God will grant our wish for a healthy and complete new year. - And, as much as we look to God for strength, we look back to loved ones who embodied a strong will, perserverance, and a love of life, for inspiration.

We recall those who have passed in the night, now, because it is a new year.
We acknowledge our blessings. Not the least of which is entry into the new year.
By honoring the memories of loved ones who cannot join us on this specific journey, we show our appreciation for their being an integral part of our life. We show admiration for the acts of goodness which they performed.

And, yes, we remember them because it is a new year.
While we might be afraid to admit it, some of our loved ones were not very nice people. They commited serious sins, harming others, perhaps, even ourselves.
It is their acts of wrongdoing which play out so often on the stage of our mind.
Yet, the High Holy days is a time to evaluate our past year, our lives. To repent for our sins. To offer forgiveness to those who have sinned against us.
And, what better place to begin, then with those who can no longer ask for our pardon. Then for those who can serve to remind us of our own failings. Failings which we so desperately need to work on... correct.
And, what better example of goodness is there, then for us to forgive them. - We seek God's forgiveness, as a chile does from his parent. - So, should not we live the Holy One's example to us, and offer pardon.
We do not forget, just as God does not. - But, as God seeks humility, true attrition, and offers us the opportunity to give Him a better memory of us, so should we do this for those who have wronged us. Those who are no longer able to utter words of apology, words of regret, words of repentence.

We also remember our departed ones, now, because it is the new year.
We, too often, spend any significant amount of time in formal prayer, only during the High Holy days.
Likewise, we allow ourselves to be so busy with 'life'  that we shortchange 'death'. - How often do we visit cemetaries? How often do we pause during our day to remember our loved ones' acts of kindness or ways in which they have touched our lives, forever? How often do we include them in our bedtime prayers?

For those of us who are fortunate enough to share Yom Kippur with fellow Jews, we remember our loved ones because it is the new year.
It is comforting to know that as a people we share more than the one true God, the Torah, and our traditions. We also share our humanity. Our successes and our losses. Especially, our deepest losses: those of loved ones who have returned to dust and returned to God's loving care, on a different plane.

Finally, we commemorate the passing of our loved ones, now because it is the new year.
Because, during this time of quiet contemplation and prayer, we thank God not only for the blessings which He has bestowed upon us... Blessings which we often take for granted... Blessings which we sometimes ignore, while we focus, instead, upon petty losses and failures... We thank God for the blessings which we received from our beloveds, whom God allowed us to experience life with...

May you find peace in your heart, this Yom Kippur. 
May you live your life so well, that when you are no longer upon this earth, someone will not believe it and will remember you during a Yom Kippur Yitzkor service.

Amen.